I had a GREAT night last night. I was off from work and worked on music pretty much all night. I came home exhausted. Overwhelmed really with all the information that was thrown at my music partner and I. Where do we see ourselves in 6 months? Where do we see ourselves in 5 years? It's weird. I guess we just love writing the music and doing what we're passionate about, that we never thought about what we really wanted to do with the music when all is said and done. Do we want to be a duo? Do we want to perform live? Do we want to just try to sell? Are we going to record demo, an EP, or a full length? Do we want a producer? Do we want...? Just all overwhelming and extremely exciting. I'm starting to look into things deeper. I'm starting to feel very open and more positive to any experience that can come from it all.
It's also all very humbling. I've been around music practically my whole life. I was in band and chorus (yup, I was that type of dork growing up, and i'm very proud of it) from 3rd grade until 12th. But listening to people who live music talk, is just soooo humbling. I can read music. I can find my middle C on a piano and I could play you all the scales, but I don't "hear" what my partner hears. I can't say oh that's a "D" or that was played in this chord. I love music. I appreciate people who can do all that. Hopefully, being around it more and more I'll start to pick things up again or pick things up that I never had. When I hear a song on the radio I only really pay attention to the lyrics. Is that weird? Right now i'll just stick to being my dorky self with my notebook, headphones, and pen.
After about 5 hours of music last night, I felt so wired and excited about things to come and the decisions we have to make. To say the least, I couldn't sleep. I took a melatonin pill and I think it helped me a tad. Although I had a 4:30am wake up that I could have skipped because I was awake from that point on. Thank God for I Love Lucy episodes at 5am. They just never get old. But one thing kept running through my head. It's January and my birthday is in May, but for some reason I can't get it out of my head that i'm going to be 29 this year! I can't believe it. I can't believe how time is flying. I can't believe how fast it's all going by and I'm just trying to stay on top of it all. I don't think it helped that I saw that Cindy Crawford commercial for the miracle skin cream stuff she sells. I'm not going to lie, I bought it. I couldn't help it, for the first 500 callers it was a remarkable price of only $39.95! HaHa! I'm pretty sure once I fell back asleep and woke back up, I regretted buying it, but then again, I still woke up with this overwhelming feeling that thirty is just around the corner. I'd like to take thirty into a back alley somewhere and beat the shit out of it, but let's be honest, thirty would probably kick my ass. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Damn you twenty-nine! Damn you for sneaking up on me!
I've got so much going through my mind. I've got to find my track again. It'll happen. I hear God works in mysterious ways, but I'd love it if God was more of a showy out in the open kinda guy, but then again He was that way in the Old Testament and that was kinda scary. I guess I'll have to just keep the faith. He's always got a plan, right?
Hopefully, this Cindy Crawford stuff keeps me looking young enough to keep this journey going for a really really long time.
Okay, I'm making my way back to the gym! I'm pretty happy with that! I'm not going to lie, ten extra pounds does not make the elliptical any easier! Here's a "cheers" to getting those ten pounds off as soon as possible! I can't keep these pounds on and I can't get them off quick enough! I just feel uncomfy and that's just the worst feeling in the world. But my ass is in gear. Hopefully some lunges and squats will kick it into a higher and firmer gear. Summer is just around the corner and I'd like to show off. The moments that women love when it comes to their bodies are those moments when you're happy bathing suit shopping and when you're happy stark naked. I'm bringing sexy back. Indeed, sexy left for the winter.
Besides getting my ass to the gym, there are other things I need to do to keep the ball rolling on bringing sexy back.
I need to walk my dogs. Poor Stella hasn't even been on a leash. I'm pretty sure she'd absolutely love it. She loves being outdoors and just running like a crazy kid. And Luna has become a fatty. Shhhh, don't say it to her face, she'd be really upset about it, but she's become a chunkier like her mom has for the winter. My pups like to follow my lead. We all need some motivation.
I need to not eat at work. Ever. Stupid menu changes are so damn tasty and I can't help but indulge. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I can't wait for the change in the weather. Why does nice weather always just feel extremely motivating? Maybe I should have followed one of my best friends to Florida or California. Hmmm. The nicer weather just sounds so fabulous. The idea of being in a bathing suit three hundred and sixty five days of the year is definitely motivating. Maybe someone I know needs to move to Hawaii. At least I always have great vacation destinations. But I'd rather just have my friends closer.
It's a Saturday and I'm off from work. I have no desire to go out. I have no desire to be social. All I want to do is watch some old movies and some soaps and drink really crappy, fabulous wine and take a melatonin to fall asleep early. How very Marilyn Monroe of me.
I'm not going to lie, I've without a doubt disappeared from the blogging world. I haven't only stopped blogging, but I haven't read a blog in about 6 months either. I just lost all touch with a lot of things in my life. I've been overwhelmed and underwhelmed. I've been completely lost. I'd like to say that I've had a quarter-life crisis because it sounds really cool, but I'm 28 now and I'm pretty sure it's not a quarter of my life; unless of course I become a health nut and live into my hundreds like those old people in Japan. One can only hope right?
I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm a big dreamer. My blog name has a lot to do with those dreams. I'm always striving to be "there"— that place where one envisions themselves being at the point that they'll be most happy in their life.
Just a commercial that makes me smile because I always think of "There" - courtesy of Mercedes-Benz
I want that place; I've always wanted that place where I can have everything. I'm incredibly selfish when it comes to that I guess. I want it all.
I've had this dream since I was about 16 to write music. It's my passion. Writing is my passion. I went to college for Journalism and to be honest, it's just not my thing; even going through those classes I knew, I knew it wasn't really what I wanted to do, but we all do things and finish things to just get through the day and hopefully move on to the next step in life. That's what college was for me. It was passing the time. It was educational and honestly I found it enjoyable. I liked the deadlines. I liked being under pressure on no sleep. It was intense sometimes and I loved it.
I don't have that anymore. I don't have that pressure and I've completely lost that drive that I had even just a few years ago when I was in college. I live off of that. At least I did. Now, I just feel like a lost soul trying to find its' place in this world.
But things are coming together, even when everything sometimes feels like it's falling a part at the same time. Does that sound confusing or do you completely understand what I mean? If you understand me, then maybe you know exactly where I'm coming from.
Sometimes everything that we dream of comes true.
Sometimes our dreams change and we have new dreams.
Sometimes our dreams get crossed and we get lost along the way because we're not sure if we can live both dreams simultaneously.
Around August I started writing music with a girl named Amy. She's young and she's a sweet heart and she's inanely talented. She also thought that I was like 23— God bless her.
I absolutely love the stuff that we've been coming up with together. It feels serendipitous. I've never felt so comfortable showing my words to someone and having someone just "get it." You can show words on a page to anyone and all they see are words and can't see it as a song. This girl can see the song. She can feel my feelings and make a melody out of it. It's kinda perfect. I'm giddy.
We're heading into the studio in February to record some of our stuff. I'm excited and yet scared out of my mind. But I can't wait to hear the result. I can't wait to start trying to figure out how to sell things. I need to figure out how to copy right and how to sell our demo. I guess I need to get on top of these things.
It's insane what we're trying to make a reality.
This is my childhood dream. I'm pretty sure this is hers too.
Sometimes my life feels like it's in a whirlwind. I'm so up and down and all over the place. I'm thankful to have friends, new and old, who are attempting to keep me sane. I don't know what I would do without a "Thinking of You" card and call from Florida, or a text message from California or Philly. My Golden Girl and I always pick up where we left off and if something happens in our lives we're always the first to know. We have all been through a lot in the past year. Lives are changing so fast. We've lost loved ones, we've gained new loves either in relationships or in forms of babies, and we've been with each other every step of the way. A vacation to brag about, a new job, a birth, someone sending flowers when you feel down and out, or even a new friend knowing that sometimes you just need to gossip and have a glass of wine in order to get through the next few days, weeks, months, or years.
I have to say, I don't have a huge group of close friends, but those that I hold close and trust are so dear to me and I wouldn't know what to do without them. As cheesy as it sounds, and I've said it before, I'm so thankful for the iPhone.
I refuse to believe that people can't have it all. I think that one can live their childhood dream and live the dreams that have already become reality. I want it all. I want to be selfish. I want to have my cake and eat it too (I've never really understood that saying, who would want cake without eating it?!).
I'm going to blog again. I love blogging and I miss it. I've just been in a rut and then in more of a rut. I'm hoping to get my ass out of it in every way. I want to focus on the things that have made me happy, but that I've lost sight of in the mess of every day life. For the few that read this, I hope you continue to again. I'll try not to disappoint and be all rutty again, instead I'll focus on being moony.
